(Being Mummy) Recent nightmares.

I hate to admit that recently, I haven't been the best mummy. Perhaps due to a growth spurt, Leia has been extremely fussy this past week:

1. She only wants to be rocked to sleep in her bouncer. For both day naps and night sleep. Now we can't rock her to sleep in our arms anymore. She will kick up a big fuss and won't stop crying.

2. Unlike previously, she does not stay asleep after her middle of the night feed. So I gotta rock her to sleep in my grogginess and exhaustion. This is soooo hard because I have to get used to being very awake in the wee hours again. I can't just transfer her to the cot immediately after feeding.

In response the her recent behaviors, I'm ashamed to say that I've actually done the following on separate occasions:

- Let her cry it out for 5 mins on her crib. This 5 mins seemed like the longest 5 mins of my life. My heart felt so painful looking at her sob but I was too frustrated to pick her up. I was at the brink of my sanity. 

- Bounce her a lil too vigorously. I'm definitely not proud of this. This happened last night when she just won't.go.to.sleep and rocking her in my arms didn't seem to work. I kept wondering out loud why she was being like this since she always fell asleep after her milk in the past. Thank goodness G was there to help me regain my patience and remind me that our little one is just a baby who needs comforting.

- Speak to her in harsh tones. I've whispered fiercely telling her to go to bed. I've told her how naughty she was. How tired she was making me. Things I regret saying because she's my lil angel who doesn't know any better.

One one hand, I've been feeling so frustrated and angry at Leia. Her constant crying was driving me insane. On the other, I feel so guilty, remorseful and inadequate as a mother. I felt horrible that I could not soothe or calm her. Worse still, I was mad at my own baby for expressing herself through crying. 

It's hard being a mother and I'm trying. I'm trying to be more patient. I'm trying to  remind myself my darling is just a baby who loves me and I love her. I'm trying to be a better person for her. And I pray for strength. Please please let me pull through this. 

Baby Leia's milestone: First time out on stroller!

It's a happy Sunday and we brought our lil one out on her stroller for the very first time =D 

We didn't go too far... Just tampines round market cause G had to deposit money at Maybank. She slept in my arms for a bit when G bought us yummy breakfast! Leia was such a good girl when we put her down in her stroller so we could eat. We reckon that it's surrounding noise that keeps her amused and non fussy. She was still happy when we pushed her stroller to the bank! Yay, our first time bringing her on the stroller was a success =D

Our outing could have been better and less challenging if it wasn't raining though. It hasn't rained in the longest time and of all days, it decided to rain today -.- It took us forever to get a cab to go home! 

Anyways here are some pics of our lil outing!

Baby Leia's milestone: Yay 12 weeks!

Our lil princess just turned 12 weeks =D She's going to be 3 months old next week. 

Our cutie has learnt how to recognize faces! When I bring her to Nim's, she cries when my mum or sis carries her. She immediately stops when they hand her to me. Lol. It feels nice that she wants me but I also hope she can be close to her granny and aunt as well! Time to get them to carry her more!

Recently she has been very fussy from 5pm onwards. Not sure if she's having a growth spurt since that causes more fussiness. But she doesn't seem to be drinking more milk though. 

Whilst we love her, she has been driving us crazy crying non stop every night. Carrying and rocking her doesn't seem to work anymore. Either a boob or bottle (or bottle teat) can sometimes do the trick. We had to turn to the bouncer one night when we couldn't placate her with our usual ways. Soooo tough. Sometimes I feel like every night is a battle between her and us haha. Hope it's just a phase that will pass quickly! *cross fingers*

Baby Leia's milestone: Learning to sit!

Yesterday, G and I were chilling out with baby when we realized that she was trying to sit up! It was soooo cute. Basically, she was propped up against our pillow (her favorite position) and kept scrunching forward, as though half rolling into a ball. Most adorable thing ever! 

We tried to put her back into her original position and everytime she would try again. Our Leia's such a persistent lil one lol. I think she's gonna strengthen her neck + back muscles and sit up in no time. I have on you my baby girl! *fighting!*

Baby Leia's milestone: 11 weeks!

Our honey buns is 11 weeks today! 

She's smiling and cooing more these days! Love it when she laughs during play time =D

(Healthy project) Update on non sweet week

I'm so proud to say that I did not have ANY sweet drinks for the entire week! Yay! It wasn't easy to resist all the yummy fizzy or fruit drinks, especially when I have a super sweet tooth. 

But sad to say that I didn't do so well in resisting desserts. I was actually doing quite well initially. Really. I didn't have any until Saturday because G bought 12 cupcakes for me specially and I could not bear to say no to him AND to the wonderful cupcakes. It was hard. Too hard. So that's something that I could have done better. 

It really feels awesome to be able to resist all the sweet drinks though! It makes me wanna continue to fight the urge to have any! I feel like this project makes me a more disciplined person. 

Let me try to continue...

(Mummy time) Out with baby on my own!

Last Thursday, I was out with baby on my own! Accomplishment unlocked!

Gerald was going to play Magic at City square mall so I decided to tag along with Leia after realizing that the mall was a baby friendly one. 

Before he left for Magic, we checked out the nursing room together and was very delighted at what we found. The nursing room was very spacious, clean and quiet. It had 2 private cubicles for nursing, hot +cold water dispenser and was very nicely decorated! I felt a sense of relief there, knowing that I could come to this safe haven if baby started fussing. 

G helped me put Leia in my pupsik sling and off he went! Thank goodness for the sling! It kept Leia nice, cosy and close to me. And it helped spread her weight across my body and I was also hands free =D My walking around the mall provided so much bouncing comfort that she slept through half our lil adventure out together. I roamed baby R us, Metro, Daiso and around the whole mall. To be honest, I couldn't quite focus on window shopping because I was also worried about her... Like if she was comfortable or if it was time to feed her. Or if the lights were too bright and over stimulating. *sigh* Guess this is life of a mummy.