Tough nights.

Last night was tough and very exhausting.

Unlike earlier nights, baby Leia woke up a total of 4 times, at intervals of 1-2 hours. It was driving me insane. I'm the type who needs her sleep. If I don't get it, I become highly frustrated, cranky and impatient. These traits make it awfully difficult for me to be a good mummy to leia at night. It was so bad that G had to take over the 2nd time she woke up because I was carrying baby and she we unable to calm down in my arms. They say babies can sense emotions so maybe she sensed me frustration and did not want to be near me.

Once again, I felt inadequate, having to rely on G and unable to comfort my own girl on my own. I realize that one of the greatest challenges motherhood is the need to battle these self doubting thoughts. And high expectations of course. It's very mentally and emotionally tiring. 

And I actually felt angry at my poor lil helpless girl because I was so exhausted.   All she wants is to be comforted and fed. To her, she doesn't know that mummy and daddy are tired. She just trusts and relies on us to meet her pleas because she's lil and can't do it on her own. He wants and needs us. I just really need to get this in my head when she's more fussy at night. 

Nowadays, I keep telling myself that baby leia is still a baby who needs me. Very soon, she will grow up very quickly and I will miss her as a baby. So cherish these moments and be there for her. Bond with her because you may not get a chance to next time. 

I'm starting to also feel that I should just carry and rock her when she wants it now. Until now, I've always subscribed to to 'Don't carry/pat her too much or else it will become a bad habit' or 'Don't rush immediately to her when she cries because she needs to learn' beliefs. I'm beginning to waver simply because our lil one is just a baby. She deserves all the comfort, love and security no?  

Anyways, I just had an awesome bonding with leia! Just breast fed and took a nap with her on my lap. I just adore looking at her fuzzy hair, cute button nose, grumpy cheeks, cupid's bow and pretty lips! Her arms and legs have more cutie Michelin folds now! Such a wonderful and blissful feeling. I totally hearts her!