(SAHM journey) The hardest but most beautiful part of my life

Before my memory starts to fail, I need to pen down and describe how life was like as a full time SAHM, with no help. I became one from 10 Aug 2016 - 16 Dec 2016 to be accurate. It was the hardest and toughest thing I had to do. But yet, it was a beautiful journey of much self discovery... A period when my world was just us... G, me, L and K. A phase given to me by God as a test.

To be honest, when it first began, I wasn't confident. I've always had a helper since I moved to my own place... Except for one month in April 2016 when Jo didn't come back and things went haywire. I wasn't sure if I could do it. That's why we tried sending Leia to a full day childcare which didn't work out because she hated it and I just didn't feel comfortable with how shorthanded the place was and how the teachers handled the children. 

Sometimes, I feel God really works in amazing ways. Maybe the childcare didn't work out because I was meant to take on the life changing opportunity to care for my kids and my home on my own. 

It.was.hard. Especially in the beginning when I was still learning to care for little Keira again whilst juggling Leia. I remember struggling to give BOTH of them attention when they demanded it the same time. When Leia would cry and ask me to stop carrying Keira... And I had no one to pass either kid to. And I was struggling with breastfeeding issues which thankfully I overcame with Keira! Initially, Keira wouldn't latch because my milk came in late. I persisted whilst doing mixed feeding and eventually K preferred latching to bottle feeding. Thank goodness because I did not have the bandwith to wash + sterilize bottles back then!

It.was.hard. I had to do laundry and cook lunches and do the housework, whilst surviving on minimal sleep. I was -never- so tired and exhausted in my life. I was in survival mode lol. Couldn't and didn't think much because I was just constantly doing and doing. I didn't have much time to do anything else. 

But I survived. We survived! Yay! lol. And we grew and became stronger. I learnt to handle the household chores. I learnt how to cook (shortcut meals haha). I learnt to prioritize. I learnt how to care for my kids all on my own. I learnt that I could do it. 

Looking back, I believe I was stretched beyond my limits. And I couldn't have done it without God. And without the help of close family and friends. Somehow, after the experience, I'm ever more thankful for any kind gestures or help that I get from anyone. I'm less inclined to take things for granted (although it still happens of course).