I'm happy to share that I've learnt so much since becoming a mother. It has been a wonderful journey. There were definitely tough times but they were all worth it! Looking back, I really struggled for the first few weeks since I was recovering from the delivery process and adjusting to the new demands of our newborn. I often went into my panic or depressed moments when I felt inadequate as a mummy. Now I'm glad that I'm much better at a lot of things and they include the following:
1. Night feeds
Omg night feeds were so tough for me! In the beginning, I struggled badly because I just couldn't wake up to feed her. Before I gave birth, I always slept early and through the night. So you can imagine how hard it was for me to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of a crying newborn. I had quite a few emotional breakdowns and thank goodness Gerald was there to help me through them.
Now I'm used to waking up! My body has gotten the hang of things. My ears have become so sensitive to her stirring sounds that I usually wake up even before she cries for milky.
2. Breastfeeding
This has always been tough for me. Getting Leia to latch when she was a newborn was very challenging. She would cry and scream at my breast and it made my heartbreak every time. It felt so horrible to feel like I was the only one making her cry whilst she always seemed happy in other people's arms. We made the decision to bottle feed her with expressed milk and supplement with formula. I felt quite bad I had to do so because everyone talks about how direct latching and full breastfeeding is the way to go. Felt like a bad mummy =( but I guess bottle feeding her was better than starving our lil one.
Now that she's bigger, she actually latches fine now! Maybe because her mouth is bigger and she's smarter to latch? Haha. I was so so happy when I could latch her when I tried, especially for my right boob. The bonding experience whilst latching is amazing and simply quite indescribable. I kinda regret not doing it earlier though because my milk supply can no longer match her demand despite all the pumping. Latching frequently in the early weeks is still the most effective way to boost milk production.
3. Carrying baby
Leia used to cry so often when I carried her initially. I'm not sure if it was the way I carried her or my milk smell. She seemed to prefer everyone else except me! It was really saddening. I would always feel like the most useless and unwanted mummy when that happened.
Now it's much better! She still cries sometimes when I hold her but that's cause she's just being generally fussy. I've gained the ability to calm her down too so I feel like I finally can do something for her as her mummy! Hehe.
4. Burping baby
Leia really really doesn't like to burp. She's one of those few babies who don't burp easily. Not only that, she screams and becomes really feisty when one tries to burp her. I used to have much difficulty burping her compared to G and his parents. His dad is actually really good at doing the over the shoulder burp. Not until recently, I would always feel bad and horrible for not being to burp her and making we cry. Now I've been practicing the over the shoulder burp and it's alot better. I can get her to burp more now =D Honestly, I never expected that getting my baby to burp would bring so much joy lol.
5. Bath time
Previously during my confinement, my MIL would always be the one bathing Leia. I was still recovering so it was quite difficult for me to bend and bathe my lil girl. I was always envious of bath time with Leia cause she always enjoys it and its great bonding time.
Now I make it a point to bathe her every alternate day and also sing to her 'Row row row your boat' during her bath time. I love bathing her! She's always a happy camper and loves the water. Super adorable.
I'm really happy that I've learnt how to care for my little one. It feels awesome to be able to grow as a mummy and do things for her. I find myself a more patient and organized person. With a baby, you just gotta be patient if you don't want to end up angry at your baby or yourself. And I really cherish me time and time with Gerald now. =)
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