(Being Mummy) Working or SAHM?

In the past, even when I was pregnant, I didn't really think about how I'd be as a mother. And what would happen after my maternity leave ends. I guess I automatically assumed that I would return to work, just like most working mothers. My own mother returned to work just 2 months after giving birth. Alternative arrangements like working part time and being a stay at home mum never crossed my mind. 

Fast forward to the present, things are so different now. I took 2 months of unpaid leave to take care of Leia and I'm really considering a part time work arrangement after that ends. It's amazing how motherhood really changes a person and her priorities. 

When I look at my lil girl, deep down, I really can't bear to just leave her at home with my helper or in laws. I can't imagine spending most of my days in the office whilst someone else is being her main caregiver. I can't stand the thought of her having a closer bond with someone else. Some people may view this as being selfish but honestly, I don't really care. She's my own flesh and blood and I think I have the right to want to protect, shelter, love and care for her. It's tough being a mother. We experience separation anxiety and the strong, intense need to be there for our children. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I guess I want to bring her up according to our way. I have much regret allowing my in laws to take care of her since she was a newborn. I appreciate their help, really. But because they spent so much time with her, they've robbed me of precious bonding time with her. They started bad habits like carrying her all the time... Bouncing her to sleep... Bringing her for walks -alot-. Things that are so difficult to undo. And they also take it for granted that they can care for her whenever they want. I understand that they are just grandparents who want to dote on their granddaughter. But there are boundaries that they should not cross. They should understand that a baby needs her mother the most. And their bond should be the closest. Grandparents play a supporting role. They shouldn't be the main caregivers. 

To be honest, I regret not being more aggressive and possessive in Leia's first few months. I wish I could have stood my ground and not allow them to hog her all the time. 

My baby's growing up... And I want to be there to witness her milestones. I want to see her smile and make her laugh. I love her laughter so so much! I know working part time means slower career progression. I'd be behind my peers in terms of earning power. It's a sacrifice I will have to make. 

I recently read an article penned by a SAHM who talks about why she doesn't regret staying home. And she wrote about how a mother can always work again if she regrets being a SAHM. But a mother who works and regrets can never get back the lost time with her children. This is so true. 

Let's see how things work out for me. In the meantime, I'm cherishing every moment with my darling Leia.